Weight for Me!

This month, The Boy is at his deadbeat dad's house in California. He's there for the entire month of June and the first two weeks of July. Four years ago in 2008, when he began going there for the summer, I spent the summer enjoying the quiet and only worrying about myself-something that I hadn't been able to do for a few years as I'd had full custody of The Boy since his father and I separated in late 2005.

The following year, in 2009, I whiled away the time he was gone taking mini vacations and stay-cations.

Last summer, The Accountant and I had our first date just hours after I'd put The Boy on the plane to California and I'd spent the summer getting to know him better, with a few road trips mixed in with my girlfriends from work.After moving in together and settling into a comfortable routine as well as dealing with some stressful situations not related to our relationship, The Accountant and I have put on a few pounds. This summer, we decided that we were going to be as active as we can be and try and do something each day, even if it's just going for a late night stroll. The Accountant would continue with the karate classes that he and The Boy take twice a week during the school year and supplement the other days with other activities such as P390X and/or cardio.

When I met The Accountant, he was working out at the gym most every day. He had a great body with toned arms and, I must say, a fantastic butt. With all the changes that have gone on in the past year, he stopped going to the gym and eventually cancelled his membership, citing karate twice a week as a good enough substitute. Although he still looks great to me, he has lost a bit of definition.

I, on the other hand, have no definition whatsoever. Probably because I don't work out. Oh alright, it's definitely because I don't work out and because I like to eat. The karate class that The Accountant and The Boy traipse off to on Tuesday & Thursday's? Been there, done that. I didn't like it. My job during the day is too regimented and everything I do there is monitored. I don't need the same scenario for my extracurricular activity. And before I tell you how I got myself out of going to boot camp karate, let me just say that I have been sick off and on for the past two years with a stomach pain like no other, often forcing me to miss getting beat up by others karate class. After going to karate class off and on (mostly off) for 2-3 months, I told The Accountant that I would try it one more time but I was pretty sure I was not going to continue. The final time I went to class last November, I ended up in a street fight practicing with a girl several years my junior who didn't know her own strength and hit me several times (I had the bruises the next day to prove it). I was not happy. On the way home that night, The Boy, who was then close to earning his yellow belt said to me, 'No offense Mom, but I don't think you're cut out for karate'. I think I heard angels singing. He didn't want me to be left out of the action though and suggested other sports I could do like soccer or dodge ball (wth?). I agreed with him 'I wasn't cut out for karate' and told him I would find something to do on my own. Have I looked back with remorse? Nope, not once. Had I found a replacement physical activity? Nope, didn't even look. Until about May, when The Accountant suggested we both start working out again over the summer so when The Boy gets back from California, we would have a routine and The Boy could join us. I did alot of research on the Internet and ended up signing up for a Belly Dance class with a Zumba class immediately afterwords on Thursday nights. Why dread going to class two nights a week when I can get it done in two and half short hours on one night? Following that same thought process, why suffer alone? Why not drag six of my favorite co-workers with me? Good workout? Pain and sweating? Laughing with my friends while making fools of ourselves? Check, check and check!

Still, I needed something to fill in Tuesday nights while The Accountant was at karate. Foolishly, I bought a Groupon for Hot Yoga. It sounded like a good idea at the time. If Yoga is good for you, Hot Yoga must be better, right? Possibly. What I didn't think through was that the Groupon was for 20 classes that must all be taken by September. Did I mention I live in Arizona where the highs in the summer are at least 120 degrees? No, not well thought out. I took one class two weeks ago. I'm not sure if I'll go back but on the bright side, I discovered that I could get the same lasting effects of Hot Yoga if I were to turn my air conditioning off in my house, open the windows and thoroughly clean my house in the nude. Multi tasking at it's best-saves travel time and gas, plus I'd have a cleaner, albeit, hotter house.

So, The Accountant does karate on Tuesday & Thursday nights. I do Belly Dancing and Zumba classes on Thursday nights. How do we fill in the other days? We walk if we can stand the heat. On the nights when it's still close to 100 degree's at 8:00 P.M., we resort to workout DVDs. I persuaded him to do about 40 minutes of regular Yoga with me one night due to my body being sore from just starting to work out and needing the yoga to loosen me up. He did very well with it. I was impressed.






This is Him-just kidding!

 The same week, he suggested we 'step it up' and do Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred. As I mentioned earlier, I don't usually work out. There are a few reasons for this: 1)I hate it. 2) I start working out and then am stuck in bed with abdominal pain. 3) I don't see the benefit of the workout I'm doing (Jane Fonda, I'm talking to you, grapevines? Really?). The 30 Day Shred DVD is different though. I had done it in the distant past and almost worked my way up to level 2 but it's hard. Twenty minutes total for each level containing Cardio, abdominal, and combined weight training/combined movements. I'd liked this DVD in the past and agreed to give it another go.

As we were waiting for the DVD to get to past the advertisement for other Biggest Loser workout DVDs, I was setting up workout mats and getting the hand weights out. The Accountant takes a look at the 2 pound hand weights and asks 'Do I have to use these? Can I use my own?' I thought, Wow, he's awfully cocksure for a guy who hasn't done more than karate in a year. 'You can use whichever weights you want', I answered. He bustled off to the weightlifting set in our room, which by the way, has gone unused since I bought it for him for Valentine's Day and brought back barbells that weighed 5 pounds each. What he was thinking at this point, I'll never know. Of course the barbells weren't exactly as he wanted them to be so even though the DVD was finally ready to play, we were not. I waited patiently while he adjusted the knobs on either side of each barbell.  Finally, he deemed himself ready and willing and we started the DVD. It started out well enough. A bit of warm up exercise and some jumping jacks which we both sailed on through like the pro's we are. Then came the squats. As I mentioned earlier, these are combined workouts so it's not just squats, it's squats with weight lifts, One leg in front, weights overhead, squat down, and bring the weights to your ears, raise the weights and your body back up, repeat. My 'professional weightlifter" made it halfway through two of these with his 2.5 barbells then damn near fell over while trying to throw them to the ground to get the 2 pound hand weights that I'd originally put out for him to use.

 Me, being the supportive girlfriend that I am, started laughing hysterically and hardly made it through the rest of my squats. Next up was push ups. I missed doing about 10 of them because I was laying on my stomach laughing so hard. When I finally caught my breath, I said to him 'You might want to try doing these girlie style with your knees bent, that might be more your speed'. By this point, he was laughing hard too.

After the workout, he tried to reclaim his Man Card. He tried to say that yes, the dumbbell says 2.5 on the side but that's just for the weight. The bar in the middle makes the whole thing more than 2.5 pounds. 'How much more?' I asked, thinking he would say at least 5 pounds. 'Uhm..at least a pound if not a pound in a half,' 'So why doesn't the weight on the side just say the actual weight of the dumbbell then?' I asked. He gave me a sheepish look and said 'It's just a known fact that this is how it is'. I didn't believe him then, and still don't believe him today. He tried to "man up" and then had to "man down". The barbells are still parked in the workout room where he left them a week ago. I'm not sure if he leaves them there as a reminder to me so I can laugh each time I pass by them, or if he's too sore to lift them up and put them away.