The Beginning (or How The Accountant Woo'd Me into a Fourth Date)

My first date with The Accountant took place on June 9th, eight days after we began talking on the phone. During these lengthy phone calls, we each talked alot about ourselves but seeing as we met online, any previous dating disasters online romances were fair game as well. The Accountants recent online dating history included but was not limited to: a grown woman who showed up to play pool and shoot darts wearing a beret and continually asked him to make her shots "because she was a girl" (she was in her mid thirties); a white woman who was confident enough with herself to repeatedly use the phrase "N----- puh-lease!"; one who not only wanted to get it on with him halfway through dinner at the nearest hotel on their first date, but also wanted him to go to the zoo with her and her small child the next day, and finally, a woman who was so frustrated with her current choice of dating options, she advised him on their third date that she was going to move to Uruguay if he didn't commit to a serious relationship. My recent online romances included: a man a few years younger than me who seemed perfectly normal during our first phone call but rapidly transitioned to freak abnormal when he became obsessed with the topic of anal sex and couldn't figure out  why I wasn't game (that one doesn't really count as I quickly cancelled our plans to meet but it's a fun story none the less); one date with a man with a famous last name who seemed nice enough but upon doing research I discovered that the reason his last name was familiar was because he was the brother of a local serial killer; a man who claimed he was 5ft 8 inches but I looked him in the eye wearing two inch heels (I'm 5ft 2inches) and also noticed he was wearing a hairpiece. The best story I had to share with The Accountant was 'Mr. Eight Days and I Love You'. Yes, I met him, met his kids, spent six out of eight days with him and did nothing more than kiss him and he told me he loved me. He was devastated when the feelings weren't mutual. Apparently, I have co-dependency radar commitment issues, according to him, anyway. We each had a good laugh at the expense of other's because that's how we roll. The night before we were due to meet, The Accountant told me that he wasn't sure he loved me but he knew he liked me,was it okay to still meet? 'Yes,' I said, 'I like a man who knows how to take it slow.' 'Slow,' he asked, 'does that mean that I can't give you a ring on our first date and propose?' 'Not on our first date,' I replied, 'I'm not that kind of a girl'.

We agreed to meet at a restaurant called Maria Maria at Tempe Marketplace. I was lost fashionably late by oh 10-30 minutes. When we met in person we were both relieved to see that yes, we did look like our pictures (you'd be surprised how many people from online don't-Hairpiece Harry, I'm talking to you) and after we got a table,that conversation flowed just as easily as it had on the phone. I found him to be cute and funny. And then...he thought it would be fun to show me a couple of magic tricks. I thought to myself Really? But he seemed so normal.... The first one was a mind reading trick that went off without a hitch but freaked me out until he explained the trick behind the trick. The second one involved him pretending to eat a piece of paper. This trick didn't work out so well and we both got a good laugh out of it. Thankfully, those were the only two tricks that he knew. After dinner he grabbed hold of my hand as we were leaving and casually walked me over to a sitting area that was centered around a fireplace. He got down on one knee, pulled out  ring box and said 'I'm having a really good time tonight, will you see me again?'. He opened the box and revealed the gaudiest black ring with an expansion band on it. I laughed and acted like I was wiping tears away and said 'Oh my gosh! Yes! Yes!'. He of course, bought me the ring as a joke. I one upped him by wearing it the rest of the night. He still mentions this fact whenever the ring comes up. 

                                          See? Gaudy! So full of faux diamonds that it tends to  
                                          lean to one side or the other. I still wear it on special
                                          occasions, but not in public.

On our second date, we met at the same place and he greeted me with one long stem red rose. He drove us to a cute restaurant called Casey Moore's. The restaurant had outside seating and smoking was allowed. Of course, I hadn't brought my cigarettes because I didn't know if he knew I smoked and I didn't want that to be a deterrent to our dating. During dinner, I managed to work in the topic of vices and asked if he had any. He said he liked to play Craps but wasn't great at it and hardly ever gambled. I slipped in the part about me smoking. He said he knew because I listed it in my profile. No negative remarks about smoker's and no lighting up for me but at least I got it out in the open. We went to a piano bar called Big Bang where there were dueling pianist/comedians. These comedians dropped quite a few "F Bombs". The Accountant was so cute and protective of me. He leaned close to me at least three times and asked me if I was OK or if I wanted to leave It would be several weeks later before the real me roared it's head and he discovered a few "F Bombs" were nothing compared to the combination of words this could be sailor could spew out. When we left the Big Bang, he took a wrong turn and headed in the direction opposite of where my car was. A few "F Bombs" went of in my head and I said 'Hey, where are we going?'. He said 'Oh shoot! I don't know, I thought this was the way back to your car. Hold on, let me get my bearings straight,' Then laughed when he saw me white knuckling my door handle. 'Oh! You don't need to literally hold on, I seriously am lost!' I looked at my hand and we both started laughing. Even then he could look at me and read my mind.

Our third date was last minute and my idea. It was an unusually beautiful day for June in Arizona. It was a little warm, but breezy. We met at Safeway and got snacks and sodas, then he took me to the park. We found a place to sit on the grass where we could talk but still people watch. We were snacking and talking- just enjoying each others company. Then The Accountant took out a Little Black Book. He proceeds to explain to me that he bought the book that day, hoping that we could write down our dreams and goals for our future. I was a bit uncomfortable with this but decided to roll with it. Had he had any idea how many "plans" I'd made with other boyfriends that never came into fruition? We talked about where we wanted to live eventually and what we wanted to do professionally. When we were done with this he held me in his arms and told me he wanted to tell me more about his divorce (three years prior, as was mine). He sounded very vulnerable and I thought to myself  Ut-oh, here we go, he's going to drop a bomb and I'm going to have to move on. He proceeded to tell me _____________ which was weird because I had the same issues in the past and we were able to talk about it. One of us on one side of a coin, the other on the flip side. I could tell he was relieved that a) he got it out in the open and b) I completely understood. It was late by then and we agreed it was time to go. He kept talking while I was putting lids back on the snacks we bought and loaded them back inside the plastic shopping bag. He grabbed his soda and got up, starting to walk towards the car. I grabbed the bags and my soda and started walking. I  thought 'Oh that's nice, I'm glad he got HIS stuff. I quickly caught up to him and said 'Can you manage to carry your soda or would you like me to carry it for ya?' He looked at me,, looked at the two plastic shopping bags and soda in my hands and his face turned red. 'Oh my gosh! Let me get that for you! I was distracted. I'm so sorry!' he said, grabbing the bags and my soda. We loaded up his car and were driving out of the parking lot to head back to my car in the Safeway parking lot. He stopped the car, took my hand in his, and said 'I'm really embarrassed. I'm not normally like that.' I laughed it off and then he was laughing too, I think mostly out of embarrassment. Having to lift heavy objects became an inside joke between us.We were telling his cousin The Shoe Seller about me having to lift all heavy objects and she laughed and looked at me and asked 'And he got a fourth date?' I answered 'Yes, because I could tell by his apology that the person in the park walking away with just a soda in hand wasn't really the true Accountant I was dating' The real reason he got a fourth date was because we could laugh about it.